come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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