that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
