Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize