He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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