ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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