I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
