yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
