I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize