I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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