new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize