I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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