You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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