Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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