Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
