The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
