Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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