Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
