I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
