White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
