im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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