I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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