you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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