STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize