Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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