Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
