My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
