first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
