If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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