i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
