this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
