Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even my vagina gasped.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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