Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
