Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
