I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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