Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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