I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
