i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
