Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize