Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
