I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
