i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
