If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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