i just sent this text using only my big toe
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
