Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
