I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
