Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize