Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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