I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the condom got lost in my hair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
