do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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