It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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