If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
