I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
