He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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