Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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