I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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