This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
