Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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