last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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