i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
