and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
