Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
