You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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