my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
