All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
