then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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