had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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