I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
