dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
