I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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