Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
