no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
