Jerry, you need to find god
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
