Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
