Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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